Caterpillar Talk

So where have I been the past 200 odd days?

I often ask myself that question. But the truth is, it has been hard for me to document every single moment, thought, emotion and action since I stopped blogging.

I felt like I needed to do more at the time, as opposed to write.

Oh, but don't think I was on a joyride. It's been a rollercoaster on fast forward. From barely staying afloat my sea of tears, to finding love and living on a cloud for those enchanting few months, to finding a job and remembering how truly brilliant I'm at my profession, to redefining core relationships, to finally sharing my original compositions with the world, to gaining and losing weight, to gaining perspective but losing at love, again, to moving all my things back home, to finally identifying a 'home' space, to nesting, to longing for a companion, to wanting NO ONE to enter the space of my ever-covetted Underbelly, to discovering the magic of eating apples. Yes, it's been quite a wild ride.

All in all, I'm happy I made it to Day 315 alive, in one piece. The curveballs threw me around for a while, but so far, I'm still winning. I'm tattooed but not scarred, hurting but not destroyed, tired but not vanquished, ready to live another day in this busy transit we call 'Life'.
Now that the cocoon is breaking, I'll finally be able to stretch my long, cramped legs. And wings.

Upward and onward... Please?

Day 30: Forward

Today marks 30 days (a month) of continuous posts. I must admit this has been hard. And the next 30 days are going to be harder, as my will to post lessens.

But what I have observed is amazing. I have had something to look forward to, at the end of every day, that I am doing for myself, for a better life, that I am holding myself accountable for. I have nobody to answer but me. And that has given me tremendous motivation to continue writing. This has been the one constant, unchanging activity for the last 30 days, and small though it may be, it has given me a sense of stability. And it has given me time to reflect, to pay attention to everything in my day, to be aware of my thoughts and emotions and to practice not getting swayed by them.

As I continued posting I noticed how I began to look for something positive — anything positive to write about that could help me appreciate my self and my life. Some days have been better than others. Some days weren't so inspired. But everyday, the one positive thing that remained was that I didn't give up on myself. Not just yet. Not today.

Tomorrow I resume yoga. I'm nervous because my body isn't as sprightly as I would have liked. I may not even feel refreshed in the morning. I may not even last the class. But I am looking forward to going. I look forward to tomorrow. And the day after that. And the day after that too.

I'm looking forward.