Is it possible to feel opposing sensations at the same time?
I woke up feeling rested, but depressed. It was as though the 9-hour slumber had given me 9 hours of respite from the chaos in my mind, and while my body felt calm, the chaotic chatter switched back on, promptly as I woke up. It was a beautiful, breezy, monsoon morning in the South of Goa. And I was raining tears in bed, going over every last detail of the fight that ended my last relationship. I couldn't stop the fighting voices in my head. His. Mine. It's painful just thinking about it.
The first half of the day involved the Bed, Netflix (That 70's Show), a couple of trips to the restroom, a banana, and crying. I managed to snooze in the afternoon, just by willing my mind to shut off for a couple of hours.
Post 5pm, my mother came into my room and let me cry with her (I'm so grateful for the space my family is giving me to feel everything). A cup of warm water later, my brain cells felt activated, in a good way. I wanted to eat something sweet, but for over a month have been off any sweets from outside, and off sugar unless its jaggery or fruits. I wanted something tangy and lemony.
So I decided to bake Lemon (or Lime) Bars. The idea itself woke me up more, and I decided to do it right away, before the zeal escaped me. I quickly changed out of my PJs, into jeans and a tee-shirt, and went out to buy ingredients. I was proud to use home-grown limes (five stars for my folks, who grow almost everything they need in their backyard). My father helped me make the base with butter and digestive biscuits, while my mother helped with the lime filling. We decided to use demerara sugar, so the end result was a brownish cake (Lime Bar masquerading as chocolate? Nobody had a problem with that!). Verdict? Delicious and totally worth the effort.
In case you ever want to make it, here's a quick recipe (not Masterchef quality, but damn it's delicious):
Ingredients:
Base (Mix together until evenly brittle):
1 cup cold butter (cut into small pieces)
1/2 cup sugar (I used demerara sugar, but you can use regular or even cane sugar)
2 cups flour (I used 1 1/2 packs of Nutri-Choice high-fiber digestive crackers instead, like Graham Crackers)
Filling (Whisk together):
1 1/2 cups sugar (Again, I used demerara. Also, you might want less or more, so trust your instincts)
5 Tbsp flour
4 Eggs
Lime Zest (I scraped about 2 1/2 to 3 limes for this)
Lime Juice (I used 5 limes. If you are using lemons instead, halve the amount I've used)
Directions:
Preheat the oven at 350 degrees F for about 15-20 minutes.
Prepare the base and press evenly into the bottom of a greased baking pan/tray. If you have butter paper, then lined the tray with that before you add the base.
Pour the filling onto the base, and put the tray in the oven for about 20-25 minutes. I kept checking every 10 minutes or so, with a knife, to see if it was done (it's been a while, since I baked anything). Normally, it doesn't take too long to bake. You could wait up to 30 minutes and get that crusty texture along the edges and the caramelised filling. I prefer it to be a little gooey on the inside.
Once you remove the tray (after checking with a knife, to see if it's done), let it just sit outside and cool for 15-20 minutes (or as long as you can keep your hands off of it).
(You could top it off with whipped cream, icing sugar or fruits. I had it neat. But I think I'm going to try fresh mango slices on top tomorrow.)
EAT!!
